Lessons learned from getting fat

I have been thinking a bit about weight. Recently I have decided that I need to work out more. I have been moving a bit (at least 15 minutes a day) most days of the week. Drinking less soda and getting rid of most sweets. I do not want to be as fat as I am for the rest of my life.

That being said gaining all of this weight has given me insight. WHen I was younger I was all about fat shaming; so much so that my overweight mother thought I would be embarrassed of her, and she left my high school graduation early (not my most pleasant memory). I began gaining slowly, I was unhappy at first but I found peace with my size because I was still able to do everything that I wanted with my life. Six months post childbirth the weight piled on more quickly, I gained a lot of weight in a few months time. SInce I hit puberty I had always believed that I was fat; mostly because I knew so many people who were smaller than me that would tell me as much. The reality is I was not fat. I am now. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

Today a large man was walking around the pool with his shirt off. I did not even notice him until a second man mentioned that he wanted to puke because of the way the first man looked. I turned my head. How does the way that man lives his life determine the way that you live yours.

Outside of the pool area I overheard a large woman out front saying that nobody needed so see her stomach.
The old me thought "Damn right, keep that $#!+ under wraps."
I told her to wear whatever she wanted.
She looked at me (mind you I do not know this person) and said but people will be looking at me.
I told her, "So what? They are going to be looking at you anyway. If you are comfortable in a two piece, rock it. If not don't."
It seemed simple.
I realize that the simplicity comes from self love.

I am not implying that I always rock the clothes that I want to wear because I am still uncomfortable. I realize that I let the opinions of others dictate my life. AT times I find myself getting dressed to make sure that no one wants to puke at the sheer sight of me. The reality is I have no control over how people see me. All I can do is work to be completely happy with what I see in the mirror, either naked or clothed.

I had wasted a lot of my life focused on other people.

I wish I was this self assured years ago.