So... I guess forever is not as long as it seems on TV... I am unlocked. I am too impulsive and indecisive. I took the plunge too fast and spent last Sat. undoing. I feel like that might be a pattern that is getting old fast. Me jumping into the wrong things feet first and getting dirt under my fingernails trying to dig myself out.
Life is a little more complicated today. I may be heading into a relationship. I think it is about time on so many levels and it is too soon on so many others. I don't want to have to dig my way out of this later.I have been mulling over my life and what I want from it. I am still undecided. I wonder how a balance is ever found. I don't want to spend my life undoing but does that take away from the chances I am then willing to take? I already know the answer to that question is yes but how do you know what is worth it? Is he worth it? Is it worth missing out on? I ask too many questions whose answers only come through experience. I wish I had experienced more as a teenager; I feel like I am playing catch-up.
I have decided to become part-time at my job for next year, and just do the advising piece. I think I am better suited for this position. I realized I idealized my job and I do think it is amazing; I just don't want to be the one doing it. Like the Dali Lama his life seems so amazing, however; I don't want to be him. I also might finally be inspired to get my drivers license since that means I can take trips whenever I want to. (My boss brought it to my attention, she is so good to me. She is an enabler but only for bringing out the best in me. I told her if she was a man I'd date her and have babies with her. We have an unconventional relationship. :-D)
I also am trying to work out some sort of schedule so I can create more. I have a whole new idea for my "Boarded-Up" piece and I have a lot of repainting to do. I just have to make sure I make time for it. I want sections and faces and flower. I need things in my life to be beautiful and delicious :-9.
I wrote a poem but it needs some work so I will just write a quote I may one day be famous for: "I masturbate without you, and wonder why I even need you." -Dyrt
